And Now Pitching . . . Feldman?

I am pitching tonight against my hometown Mariners.  You are all invited to join me at Studio 207 to come cheer me on as I face off against my hometown club.

Problem is, I don’t know who I should root for.  Should I root for Scott Feldman?  Why?  I only share a name with him.  I mean, I am happy for a Scott Feldman to be making a career in the Major League.  Without a doubt, if I had been blessed with extraordinary skill that would’ve provided the opportunity for me to follow the same career path, I would’ve taken it.  Fortunately, I did not make my High School baseball squad, providing a clear indication that a career playing on a baseball diamond would not be a lucrative proposition for me.

I can live vicariously through this Scott Feldman.  Enjoy his success.  I mean, what is the probability of someone with my name playing in a major professional sports league?

A quick search of the Baseball Almanac provides an indication of just how unlikely it is.  The Almanac provides a “comprehensive list of EVERY Major League player” to ever play a Major League Baseball game.  Scott Feldman is only the second Feldman to ever play in the Major Leagues, following in the “legendary” footsteps of Harry Feldman.   Sure, Scott Feldman may not be making the Baseball Hall of Fame, but he’s sure as hell making the Feldman Baseball Hall of Fame!!  Fuck, I am willing to wager everything I own (which is pathetically little) that he is inline to have his plaque mounted in the Feldman Sports Hall of Fame!!!

Being born a Feldman means a life as a professional athlete is not in the cards.  Generally, it means business or some type of professional service.  Do a Google search for “Feldman Lawyer” or “Feldman Doctor” or “Feldman Finance”, we are everywhere.  But “Feldman Baseball Player”?  You’ll find two of us.

Hell, there is a better chance of sharing a name with a Feldman in the movies.  Ask my brother Corey.  Feldman’s are definitely entertainers, just not athletes.  Even the name Feldman entertains.  The Bizarro Kramer in Seinfeld was Feldman.  What other name could be on the same level as Kramer?  I’ll battle you with Feldman anytime.

Feldman is a great name.  I am blessed to have it.  When I ran for Seattle City Council, Bruce Harrell showed me a study that polled people that had no clue of our backgrounds or platforms.  Scott Feldman won!!  My name received 7% of the vote.  No other name received more than 4%.

So, yes, Feldman’s are even politicians.  But we ain’t athletes.

So tonight, watch and root for a man that overcame the greatest of odds by being a Feldman take the mound as a professional athlete in a Major League Baseball game.

I know I am gonna lift a beer to this improbable feat.  Scott Feldman, I am proud of you (Feld)man.

Star Trek Sneak Peek

Stardate April 30th 2009, my birthday

My little brother Joel and I set out to go where we have boldly gone several times before – a major motion picture sneak preview.

As a United Way of King County employee with a quick trigger finger to all things offered for free via email, Joel is privy to tickets that allow him to see movies prior to the general public.  Joel has been able to talk at the watercooler about such feature films as Walk Hard, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, and The Wrestler long before many of us have the chance to see their initial teaser ads on the television.

Having attended a few dozen sneak peeks over the past few years, you would think that Joel would be completely prepared with all correct information about attending and getting into the preview.  But that would be illogical.

So when I arrived at Cinerama – the theater Joel told me to go to – about an hour prior the start of the Star Trek sneak preview to find a line about 8 deep waiting for the next metro bus, but not a single person waiting to enter the theater (let alone a single pointy-eared Trekkie), I was not surprised.

Capt. Joel M. Feldman: “I think we are at the wrong theater”
1st Officer Scott: “Logically”

Joel flipped open his communicator and called the command center, “We are at Cinerama!!!”

Pacific Place was the correct location.  Since we are about 200 Star Trek years from the invention of the transporter, beaming up to Pacific Place was not an option.

With my achilles severally limiting my ability to run 10 blocks, Joel loaded me with our bags of movie-going goodies and took off at “warp speed” across Belltown.

Limping behind him (and nearly keeping up with Joel’s warp speed), I arrived 15 minutes later to a manageable line.  Settling into line, I decide to sample some of the treats in our goody bag filled with various liquids and baked goods.  A beer was my choice, which helped wash down a leftover pharmaceutical I had from my achilles injury.

Because of Joel’s United Way connections, we were able to skirt the line.  We settled into our chairs and enjoyed a couple cookies and a Romulan ale-like mixture of whiskey & 7up that perfectly prepped me for 2 hours of action pack space adventure.

Explosions, fights, some great dialog, and few surprise appearances later, I was peeling myself from my theater seat, fully content with my birthday evening. But others had arranged alternative plans.

In the event of a life form from the future having arrived to alter my current reality, my girlfriend, Shannon, had arranged with Joel and my friends a surprise gathering at the Marcus’ Martini Heaven outpost.  My friends knew it was my destiny to get wasted on my birthday and they had assembled to celebrate and cheers my 35 years on the planet Earth to ensure I realized this destiny.  So Captain Joel M. Feldman escorted me on to the USS Joe Metro and set a course for Marcus’.

After my previous intake of various goodies at the theater, I had not positioned myself well for this unforeseen encounter.  Yet, I was holding my own until the Romulan. . . er . . . a . . . Bartender, Pfieff, from the planet Rowy, started ordering shots.  Bartenders are a species related to humans, with a peculiar ability to serve up and finish off alcohol.  I am well acquainted with their notable capacity, as I live with and date a bartender.

As the bartenders opened fire with their shots of Jack set to stun, I quickly realized our mission to play Rock Band on the Wii was futile. . .

Stardate May 1st 2009, 30 minutes past noon

“What the?!?!? Why the fuck am I flat on my back on my couch? Fucking bartenders and their Romulan ale!!!”

Thank you all for a great birthday evening!!!  I had a great time . . . . from what I can remember.

Oh, as for Star Trek.  It’s great!!  Go see it.  Captain Kirk’s first onscreen sexual experience is with a green lady, and once again, Leonard Nimoy proves he is the one and only true Spock.